Saying Goodbye

As most of you know, on May 1st we had to put our cat Snowflake Obsidian down. It was one of the hardest decisions we've ever had to make. And afterwards, Colt vowed that he would never do it again--it was just too hard. Honestly, we're still grieving the loss of him and the guilt that we maybe made a mistake. I'm not sure if that ever truly goes away.

In the early hours of July 31st, I woke up to Chloe crying to go to the bathroom. This is a normal occurrence in our house, but when I set her down to do her thing she couldn't stand up. Or rather she fell over because she didn't have the balance or coordination to stand. This was about 2:30 in the morning. At that point I wasn't sure if she'd had a stroke or seizure in her sleep. Colt was sleeping, so he didn't know what was going on yet and I didn't want to wake him up in case she was fine in the morning. And it wasn't like there was anything that we could at that hour.

I waited until Colt's alarm went off at 5 to feed the cats to see how Chloe was. I hoped and I prayed that she was back to her normal self. I got her up again and she was still having the same balance issues. It was then that I told Colt what was going on. Neither of us really went back to sleep after that. We were emotional messes. We knew that we needed to call the vet as soon as they opened. I laid in bed snuggling with Chloe waiting for 8 a.m. for the vet to open. As soon as that time hit, I called them. It rang and rang and rang...no one answered. I waited a few minutes and called again. Repeated that until after 8:15. I still hadn't got ahold of anyone. I started to wonder what was going on. I then turned to social media, and it was there that I saw that they were closed for the day. We decided to call another vet, because we knew this couldn't wait, especially since it was a Friday and nowhere would be open all weekend.

There were two other vets in town, so we called one of them and got an emergency appointment for later that morning. Then we just waited around for that time to take her in, hoping that we would get answers.

We did get answers, but they weren't the ones we had expected. Again, we still were assuming that she'd had a stroke or seizure. Our hearts dropped when were first told that her heart rate was low for her breed. Then they checked her legs (for obvious reasons) and were told that she had muscle weakness in her back legs due to her heart not being able to pump oxygen the way it should. They laid the options out for us. We could do some testing and see if she was okay to have medications that would only prolong her life for a short time--basically a Band-Aid. We could take her home and do nothing. Or we could decide that we didn't think her quality of life was worth making her suffer any longer.

They left us alone to discuss our options. It didn't take long for Colt to admit that we needed to let her go, as much as we didn't want to. As much as we'd said we would never do this again. It was one of the hardest decisions we've ever had to make. We brought her home so she could see the rest of the family, because we wanted them to be able to say goodbye. She loved everyone she met, so we couldn't take that away from her. On Monday I called our vet and made an appointment for that coming Friday. Those last days we tried to give her the best days and so much love.

The night before we got tacos, so she could have one as her last meal. She enjoyed that thoroughly. The day of we took her for a pup cup. This was one of her favorite treats when we would take her for car rides or before we took her hiking with us. When we pulled up to the drive-thru window she knew exactly where we were. By the time she was done eating her treat, she had it all over her face.

We then took a drive out to the cemetery where my grandparents are buried. Chloe belonged to my grandma before she passed away in 2024. We took care of her after we moved into what was once my grandparents' home. My aunt didn't want to take Chloe away from the only home she knew. We told grandma that Chloe was coming to be with her. I know they were both missing each other. Lastly, we took a long drive up Memorial Bluff, somewhere we liked to take Chloe hiking. She pretty much slept the entire time though. Car rides used to be one of her favorite things in the world and seeing her just sleep the whole time told us that she wasn't the same dog anymore.

We still miss her so much and probably will for a very long time. Saying goodbye was so hard. We both cried a lot. Colt asked for a sign from the universe telling us we were doing the right thing. The song that came on the radio as we were pulling into the parking lot of the vet was "Afterlife" by Evanescence. We couldn't have gotten a clearer sign.

It's only been a few days, and the pain is still very real and very raw. Leaving and coming home are very weird now. We don't need to take her to the bathroom before we leave, and we don't come home to an excited dog who was just happy we came home.

If you have ever lost an animal that you care about or had to put one down, our hearts go out to you. We wouldn't wish this pain upon anyone.